Day 3: WHEN IT GETS BORING - Part 3

SELF-COMMITMENT STATEMENTS.

Here I’m going to share the realizations of how I would have opted to walk my day instead of reacting to it.

I realize that, my responsibility as a mother/parent is as full time as it can ever get and therefore, the only way I can actually remain stable within this responsibility is by embracing it fully within and as the understanding that, my children as young as they are, fully depend on me in every way at this stage and hence, I cannot offer them the best care possible if I perceive them as a bother at times or if I perceive being with them as boring, because, it is from within such perception that I become ineffective as a mother by not fulfilling my responsibility in the best way possible like for example how I rush through play time with the kids, or how I am not fully here in a given moment to actually share and enjoy myself with them and they with me or how at a certain moment I just wanted to have them quiet so I can ‘entertain’ myself within and as my mind.

Thus, I commit myself to assist and support myself to walking my process of embracing fully each moment I am with myself as well as my children, completely slow myself down to within and as my breathing so that I can clearly see who I am within the participation of whichever activities I do with my children so that, they as well can remain stable within themselves as they keep expressing themselves in the physical reality. From within this, I commit myself to assist and support myself to, when and as I see myself about to drift away into my mind where I create all the different perceptions of my reality e.g. boring, too much etc., I shall stop and breath and will not allow myself to participate within such perceptions, by breathing, ill slow myself down and look within and as my mind to see what I am accepting and allowing as thoughts, backchats, imaginations fantasies, reactions, memories that sabotage my ability to directly access and direct myself in my reality in making choices that are based on the best interest of all e.g. my children hence myself.

I realize that, by talking to myself in my mind/back chatting/internal conversation like they are probably having fun and I’m stuck here with the kids, why are they so long out there, when will they come, I just don’t feel like being with the kids, what a boring day?, I actually separated myself from physical reality as the moments that were unfolding/I wasn't here with myself as my physical body nor my children but in my mind, from within talking to myself in my mind/back chatting, I ended up creating the reactions of anger, irritation, frustration and impatience which lead to me experiencing myself within and as boredom and thus my outward perception of the day being boring and spending time with my children as boring.

Thus, I commit myself to assist and support myself to, when and as I see myself about to participate within my mind within and as my backchats/internal conversations, I shall stop and breath and will not participate any further within these mind games so that I don’t end up generating any reactions which only veil my physical reality and my ability to face this reality and direct myself as it from within and as the stability of the physical as my breath and body. if and when I’m aware that reactions are about to come up or have come up within me, then I shall realize that, it is already too late and that, I’ve already participated within my minds thoughts or back chats/internal conversations and therefore, at this moment, I shall still breath, bring myself back to stability and identify what it is that I was busy participating in within my mind that lead to my reactions and apply real time self-forgiveness so as to release myself from the energetic experiences of myself as anger, irritation, boredom, impatience etc. to thus, face and be completely tHERE with my children to assist and support them the best way possible.

I realize that, when someone speaks and I immediately go into a reaction state like when my partner mentioned that the help was away for the day and I went into my mind and participated within all the backchats and reactions, I became bored within my mind and lived this boredom out into my physical reality as all the reactions especially impatient and irritation, annoyance. My partner’s statement simply acted as a trigger/highlighter for a point/mind construct/a program that already exists within my mind and I simply accepted and allowed myself to participate within the point/mind construct/program and brought it to life by further living and experiencing it in my physical reality as my body and my environment.  From within and as this experience of myself, I diminished my ability to assist and support my children effectively especially through play and just spending time with them thus diminishing their ability and potential to explore their reality and express themselves effectively like for example, when I just wanted to sit down and also put them in a static position so I don’t have to move much, I limited their ability to move and explore and share themselves with each other and with me. I also diminished the potential of the relationship I could develop with them, and them with me, and each other, a relationship based in mutual support and care, communication and understanding, an equal and one relationship.

Thus, I commit myself to assist and support myself to take/live responsibility for what I accepted and allowed within and as my mind i.e. thoughts, backchats, imaginations that lead me to participate further within the reactions of anger, irritation, frustration, impatience and even annoyance which further fueled my experience within and as boredom.  I commit myself to investigating all points that lead/led me to such experience of boredom as a way of taking self-responsibility and thereof, write, apply self-forgiveness, map for myself through commitment statements on how will apply myself in real time to actually stop and direct/reprogram /re-create myself in any given moment so that once and for all, I can create real physical change as a living and application of myself as what’s best for all.  

I commit myself to assist and support myself to change my starting point from that of reactions into that of being here with my children, fully present and aware of myself and them, as them, aware of our interaction with each other, our communication, our movements, our sharing of each other, our different expressions through play , exploration, sounds etc. for I realize that, it is actually through who I am within and as my awareness that I will be able to completely immerse myself in any given moment with my children that I will be able to see and embrace the gifts of who they are which will in turn expand my potential of becoming the very living example as what results doing/supporting them from within the principle of what’s best for all can yield, hence gifting back to them the potential to expand themselves as life through their expression/living which will in turn expand the potential to create and develop a relationship based on real communication and understanding of one another.

I realize that those that support me with household and the children also need their day off according to our agreement and thus there was no need for me to react to them taking the day off but rather be content and abide by this agreement without creating any perceptions about it that only lead me to perceive the agreement as more than what it is in reality hence the reactions.

Thus, I commit myself to assist and support myself to, next time, when help has the day off, I shall not go into reactions or create any ideas/perceptions about their being away but just remind myself that, it is per our agreement that they get a day off for self and thus no need to react but rather ground myself within and as the agreement.

 

 

I commit myself to assist and support myself to create some time to spend with/by myself through for example taking a bath, going for a walk, singing or dancing etc so that, I can also be with my body, take care of it for I have realized that, at times, I have not taken time to care for myself effectively as most of my time is consumed by caring for my children. Therefore, I commit myself to organize and plan this time for myself and ensure that, when I have this time for me, I do not compromise my children’s comfort and well-being in any way whatsoever by ensuring that, they are comfortable and someone is there looking after them for the time I’m by myself, 0.30 - 1 hour every 2 days, subject to change depending on the situation with myself and the children i.e., when they need me more, I’ll be there for them more and when I have an opportunity to have more time for myself, I shall take it i.e., when they nap or are out for a walk/play/park with someone else e.g papa :D.